a tribute to astrid -- continuing my good deeds for dreams

Summary background: Three years ago, June 2006, I embarked on a "Dream & Deed" quest to find 100 people who would donate 300 pesos (est. 5EUR) to help me pay for my flight ticket to the Netherlands -- to attend an MA in Development Studies (among other things). In exchange for the donation, I would fulfill a good deed on their behalf... and blog about it (hence, the creation of this very blog). It was a wonderful experience, as some people's requests had to do with helping them with their own dreams as well. And so,... it was an honor as well to do good deeds. In January 2008, I graduated from my Masters and ended my round of good deeds.

Here I am now in Holland, working for a children's INGO that promotes Child Social & Financial Education -- with one of the goals to help children learn about setting up social & financial enterprises (www.aflatoun.org). And honestly, I find it quite poetic seeing as I was able to fund my flight to come here on the enterprise idea of this website.

I am very very grateful to all those who were part of this.

I am also thankful to Astrid -- who gave me the idea of this website to begin with. We were colleagues at that time, and one afternoon I frustratingly angsted that, after being in so much debt already to pay for the tuition fee, I couldn't muster enough money for the flight. She came up with this dreams and deeds website idea. Hence, my first blog entry ever was for her -- introducing her as my first and longest standing cheerleader. Without her, I wouldn't have the amazing experience of this project. I am eternally grateful to her.

Astrid passed away last August 23, 2009, at the age of 30. It was a big shock to all. Having lupus, she died from kidney complications.

It was frustrating to be far away. As I revisited all our emails, chats and communication, I came upon this blog again... and quite guiltily realized how I had just simply stopped it. Sigh. I think it's time to start it again.

And I'm guessing that if you're reading this now, you are either family or friend...you must have been a part of this project... so please allow me to share my letter to Astrid with you... the one who started it all.



Mahal kong kaibigan, mahal kong astrid,

Nung isang araw lang napaniginipan kita. Nag-roroller blade ka sa isang sosi na lugar at binalaan kitang wag mag-roller blade dahil delikado. Kahit sa panaginip makulit ka. Tulad nang madalas mong status sa gchat “invulnerable”. Nang magkita tayo sa gchat… ang reaksyon mo, “ok lang, hindi ako marunong mag-roller blade”. Kulit.

It goes without saying, that I will miss you terribly. I will miss you unbearably. Even though I had known you for 17 years now, I guess it was in the past 4 years that we really met each other, knew each other, and yes, loved each other. As we both watched “our KNN kids” grow, endeavor, struggle, cry, laugh and live… so did we grow, endeavor, struggle, cry, laugh and live with each other, for each other.

Through both our breakups, our job switches, our studying in Holland, you always ALWAYS rooted for me, for us.

You gave me the wonderful idea to do the “dreams and deeds” project, you found other sponsors for me… you were my first and longest cheerleader in just going for it. Through my research, you helped get me the books, and you sent them with matching Lucky Me pancit canton & boy bawang… for extra moral support. Salamat mamu.

For the past years, without fail, you included me in your thoughts and travels… through your postcards, through your postmailed children’s book, our constant pangangamustas, kahit na saglit lang sa chat. And I am so sure that you showed just as much, if not more, devotion to other people who were lucky to have you as their friend.

In your lowest lows, you still had enough strength to look at the bright side, to see how a death of love can be the opportunity for a new one. And to see how an illness does not necessarily have to be a hindrance to a life that can be lived to the fullest.

I owe so much to you…. I dreamed so many dreams with you.

With my human sight, I feel that it’s unfair that you were taken from us so soon. I take comfort in knowing, in believing that you are home now… probably making a running mataray commentary of how we are living our lives now. But you will always be around, I know. When I meet with mamu Faye, it would be impossible to not feel you with us. When I visit the Saturays, we will feel as if every pancit canton or boy bawang pasalubong came from you. With each UPIS chat or salu salo with Jeggs, Delia, Celia or Nicolle, we’ll continue our connect-the-dots stories of when one of us had just talked to you. When I see our KNN anaks,… hmm, well, I will feel that we will do our usual tag team of helping them see how wonderful they are. Yun nga lang, the truth of your death does hit me in ebbs and tides. And without you, how can I comfort them when I find it hard to console myself?

What else can be said Astrid? Salamat? Mamimiss kita. Mahal kita. Salamat.

Paalam…? Ika nga ni Celia, kita kits,
Aloy