requiem for analy

"we are all visitors to this time and place. our purpose here is to live and love. and then we return home" - aborigine saying

i dreamt of analy the other night.

we were in a bedroom, possibly overnighting somewhere (yet again as UPSCAns often did). Tapos tinitingnan namin yung photo albums ko ng upsca gimiks. At some pictures napansin niyang wala siya at sinabi niya "bakit wala ako diyan", half-jokingly and half-indignant... Palabiro kong sinabi "eh kasi naman noh, namatay ka na niyan" half-jokingly and half-accusingly. Tumawa na lang si analy, at sinabing "ah oo nga pala".

and actually, it felt good... peaceful.. warm. perhaps, that's what heaven feels like. i woke up feeling comforted for the first time since i heard the news.

to those who don't know, analy and her boyfriend, james, drowned while swimming in pagudpud beach last november 6. witness accounts say that they were already on their way out of the water when james' leg started to cramp. analy went back for him.. and then a big wave swept them back into sea.

and that's how analy was... is... she is the person who would go back for you.

i remember in one of martina's particularly alcohol-filled bday parties, it started to rain. everyone started to go into the house, but I, in my stupor stayed out in the garden to bathe in the rain. martina also stayed in the rainshower. analy came back to stay and get drenched with us despite her own soberness.

my memories of her are filled with thoughtful actions. she always gave beautifully arranged bouquets of flowers as a gift... from dangwa, of course... just as she would accompany me to dangwa when i had to buy flowers in bulk, too. she remembered that i had once wished that someone would give me a bouquet from dangwa... and she kept fulfilling that wish ever since.

she came to all the parties that imee, martina, ganter and i would come up with... kahit gaano ka-walang kuwenta...christmas dinners, birthday dinners, thanksgiving / gratitude dinners... without fail, she and james showed up. at the last dinner we held, nagdrama kami at how few we were at the party (see picture.. although mali ata ang date na yan, hehe)... and how we felt like we were moving in separate directions.

at my first christmas here in holland she was the only one (aside from my family) who sent me a christmas card. am, of course not trying to guilt trip others... but just to show how sweet she was..is...

In the card, she lamented at how we were in different places...

"naisip ko, ganito pala nagkawalaan yung older UPSCAns. But it's not actually totally sad kasi we're just all pursuing our dreams and conquering the world (medyo literally). But I know some bonds could not be broken by time and distance"

true enough. i'm not sure if my dream was a manifestation of my own desire to comfort myself. i'd like to think that it was analy who came back for me, reaching across time, distance and worlds to comfort me and let me know that she's okay...happy even. if i grieve, i should grieve more for myself, her family, and for all our other friends who will not be blessed by her earthly presence. and i will find comfort in our faith, a faith that she held stronger than i did maybe... that she is home.